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Neighbors, nobody love you like we do. Neighbors, your
government has triumphed in finally making you a public fit
for the 21st century. Never before has a government body
shown so much concern for the economic well-being of its
subjects. Today we have insulated you from countless factions
who threaten your financial viability; such as the poor; the
idealistic foreigners still clinging to their childish notions of
social welfare; why, you're even kept uninformed of useless
propagandist journalism that reports alleged violations of
human rights (we all know they wouldn't have been punished
if they hadn't been doing something WRONG!!). And who
better to dispense such blatantly evident factoids but a self-
appointed authority like myself?
Acid rain is a thing of the past... too many possible causes,
too little significance for our modern thinking public, besides
industrial manufacturing is at an all-time low anyway, who
needs those narrow minded laborers anyway too many
mouths to feed, and too much burden on the payroll! Who
needs 'em here in the land of the free-time. Some other ass-
backward country will give us what we need by exploiting its
The internet has expanded our ability to pacify average
Americans better than ever by offering fantastical adventures
to every corner of the imagination. Your home office is the
window to your world, and the heart of your social life. Such
reclusive behavior helps clear the roads and public works from
overburden like the lower-middle class and others who
depend shamelessly on their government. Today you are freer
than ever to do what you want, provided you can pay for it!
Remember, the first word in USA is US! / We have arrived
neighbors, we are the privileged elite!